After years of severe self doubt, questioning my worth and place in this world while some people around me were telling that I was pretty good, I still believed that I was not. I kept doubting myself, my worth and what I have to offer. While being humble is a good thing, not valuing oneself is not good. I understand being hard on oneself is good in someways as it pushes people to learn more, try out new things, keep exploring and never settle. All this is nice and I agree to most of them but there is a difference between "I don't think I can do it" and "I don't know it as of now but I believe I can learn and figure it out."

I was the "I don't think I can do it" guy. I still am, little bit but I'm working on it. Self doubt is good sometimes wherever it's necessary. I'll explain with an example. Suppose you are about to pitch your startup idea and product in front of a big venture capital, now you can't just "I got it" your way in the room when in reality you haven't. You need some doubt which would trigger you to reflect again. Do you have answers to all questions that the VC could ask? Are you sure about the GTM Strategy? What if they ask why are the numbers lower in this quarter compared to other quarters? While "I got it" attitude is good and definitely a bit of it is necessary but in this situation I think some doubt should exist so that the team prepares well and thinks through all the questions and what all possible questions could be thrown at them.

In some cases self doubt is necessary even in personal situations. Let's say you are applying for a job at your dream company and you are like "I'll easily crack it" while you don't even know very basic thing such as Auto-Layout (if the role is a product design role) so self doubt here would be better than fake confidence.

But we should be careful when we start doubting ourselves without any data or reasoning. Self doubt very easily can become the default or the system 1 response because it becomes a pattern in our brain. Now there are lot of factors involved in how self doubt originates in our brain. Factors like societal cultures, expectations, relationships, friendships etc can give birth to it but frankly I don't know much about the psychology of self doubt and it's origination but I do know what harm it can do. This writing is more about that.

So as I told before, I have struggled with severe levels of self doubt. My close ones know it and it has almost become a part of my personality which is not a good thing in any way. Some people think doubting oneself is cool as it makes one look intellectual and mature. Well, don't go down that path. Doubting one-self is not cool in any way. It somehow originates and if you start practising it enough then it almost becomes a part of you & your personality where you start doubting everything, sometimes everyone around you without any reasoning or data to back it up. It's almost illogical and straight stupid to constantly keep doubting one-self without any solid reasoning. You start doubting anything good happening in your life. It could be an opportunity to earn more or a person in your life who wants to be with you. It seriously does a lot of damage in one's life which we can't see with our naked eyes while it's happening but once we look back after sometime has passed then we see the damage and it's generally a lot of damage.

Sometimes, we only really learn when we mess things up ourselves. There are moments when we keep looking for validation from others, almost begging for it. But when it doesn’t come, we get tired of chasing it. we realise that self-worth cannot be borrowed or begged for it must come from within. We begin to value ourselves not because others do, but because we deserve to. Once the self value comes from within, you realise how stupid it was to doubt yourself or to expect people to value you or understand your worth when you yourself were not sure about it. And once this realisation hits, you start thinking a bit differently. You wouldn't care if someone doesn't see your value, you would just smile and be ok with it because now you are not depending on anyone's validation, you know who you are. Be it work, relationships, friendships or anything, you know what you can bring to the table then you don't have to get worked up. You can just smile and be a chill guy.

Note to self : Actually the world likes to see people struggle with themselves. They secretly love to see people struggle and almost laugh on our faces.They enjoy the sight of a loser and see oneself make one. Realise it and become the main-character of your story. Show the world once in a while who you truly are and what you're capable of. Roar once in a while.